This whole turning 40 thing is turning into quite a laugh (I say that sardonically!). Last week I was tortured into good health (I swear my stomach was perfectly flat the day after the ‘session’) and this week is another drama.
Ladies, I found a hair growing out the middle of my throat! Not my lip (we all have lip hair, don’t try denying it), the occasional chin hair too. But, the throat?! I mean come on! What am I, an animal???
I was sitting in my car before work this morning tending to my eyebrows in the visor mirror (the absolute best mirror for tending to your brows!). I had one eye on brow, the other looking out for the possible approach of a colleague’s car that might park beside mine. Then JEYSUS, MARY AND JOSEPH (no typo… tapping into the not so deeply buried Irish roots)! I saw a hair in the middle of my NECK! I wasn’t simply shocked that the hair was there, but more so by how long it was. I mean, how long had it been there? Who had seen it and not told me? Why in the hell did I have a hair growing from the middle of my neck???
Ladies, this hair had to be dealt with immediately! With the focus and precision of a navy seal, I redirected my tweezers toward my neck then snatched that bad-boy out! If I get cold, I’ll wear a scarf. I have no need for neck hairs. It’s bad enough having to deal with chin hairs, lip hair and grooming of the lady garden (don’t act coy … you all know what the lady garden is).
Now I realize there are some tree-huggers out there who will argue that all body hair serves a purpose and should be left alone. Well, I have a very simply rely to them, “GET REAL! …. TAKE A BATH! … AND IF YOU’RE GOING TO WEAR SO MUCH WOOL CLOTHING MAKE SURE IT’S PROPERLY DRIED BEFORE WEARING IN PUBLIC BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO SMELL YOUR MUSTY BEHIND!”
With that said, I’ll say ‘bye’ for now as I still have to finish doing my eyebrows.
Laters & G’Night ,