I’m not sure what the trigger was, but it finally happened. I felt something go ‘SNAP!’ inside my head and I lost it. Let me take you back to last weekend and start at the beginning.
Last weekend my friends M (Yep! The one and only M!), KP and I went on a road trip. Our journey put us on the road at 4 a.m. to begin our four hour drive to Detroit, Michigan to see a Tyler Perry play on the other side of the border. Everything was going according to plan: we were making every minute count and didn’t get lost once. There were a few unexpected road closure and detours to goodness knows where. We’ll just call these detours ‘taking the scenic route.’ Despite this, we made it to our hotel with time to spare. In fact, we had a lot of time to spare.
So, as normal, intelligent and employed women we decided to go to the mall. Why the heck not!
The first mall wasn’t too good. Actually, the mall itself was terrible. Luckily we met two of the sweetest older women who told us about paradise: THE SOMERSET MALL!!!
We had no clue what to expect. We assumed it was going to be just another mall but hopefully with a better selection than where we were coming from. Off we three naïve souls went, clueless as to the joy that awaited us in Troy (as in Troy Michigan, home of Somerset Mall).
I can’t speak for the other ladies, but my heart began to fill quickly with feelings of overwhelming joy. Every high end, unaffordable (at least for my budget) retail store you could imagine was housed under the pretty roof tops of either the north or south mall. Please go back and re-read that sentence: I did not say north or south end, I said north or south mall! Yep! We basically had two malls attached by a skywalk.
Everywhere we looked there were women, men and children decked head to toe in Prada, Louboutin, Chanel and any other luxury good, clothing, cosmetic, perfume and shoe your mind can imagine. And there wasn’t a knock-off among them.
There we were in the midst of these fashion glamazons of all ages who were walking about, never looking at a price tag, never giving a thought to budget. And then there was M, KP and myself giggling, gawking and grinning like a bunch of hillbillies-a-come-to-town wearing their best shoes (running shoes that is) and clothing (track pants and jeans … you can’t put a price on comfort when you’re driving for four hours).
As time ticked on, we started making our way out of Somerset (or paradise as I like to call it) when we crossed paths with ‘The Couple’. Now you need to understand that The Couple was not stunningly beautiful. Nor was there anything particularly remarkable about them except for their height. You see she was about 5’ 10” while he was no more than 5’2″.
I’ll be the first to admit that yes, I did snicker and make a few inappropriate remarks. I also laughed and made the obvious comments about the height difference and his seeming to be walking behind her like a ‘good boy’. However, by the time we arrived at the parking lot, The Couple was completely forgotten.
Less than two hours later we girls were happily in the car driving to the theatre to see Tyler’s play. Then it happened: SNAP! I realized that once again here I was out for yet another evening with the girls.
I know better than anyone the importance of good friends, especially good female friends. When you’re down, in a time of despair or mourning, happiness or what-not, your girls will be their providing you with the exact type of support you need when needed. But, come on people!!! How many more ‘girls nights’ can a girl do?!
As those thoughts consumed me, my mind also started replaying the earlier scene of the little man walking behind his amazon woman – aka ‘The Couple’. Who the heck was laughing now? I knew for sure it wasn’t me. With this final thought, I could hear myself just as you can hear someone speaking on stage when you’re sitting in an audience. I could distinctly hear my voice shouting: “I’M SO TIIIIIRRRRRRREEEEEEEEED!”
What the heck was going on? I could hear myself wailing on and on, “I’M SO TIRED … HOW MANY DATES DO I HAVE TO GO ON BEFORE I FIND A DECENT MAN … LAWD-AH-MUSSY I’M TIRED!!!!!!!”
On and on I went for about five minutes. I honestly believe the only reason I wasn’t institutionalized that night was because M didn’t have time to find the nearest medical facility and still make it back in time for the play’s curtain call.
As I was having this fit I also had an out of body experience. Not only could I could see myself with eyes popping and hands waiving, I could also see M and KP.
M was driving and clinging to the steering wheel with both hands trying not to look at me. The expression on M’s face said two things: 1. “Why isn’t there an eject button in this car so I can get rid of this mad woman?!” and 2. “I hope this crazy woman doesn’t try to grab the steering wheel because if she does, I WILL hurt her!”
Then there was poor KP sat in the back directly behind me. With each wailing I emitted, the poor thing just shook her head in agreement as though terrified to make a comment. And her body language also spoke volumes to the people in the cars passing by. This is what I know they heard when they looked at her: “Dear Lord, please get me out of this car and away from this crazy woman. I really would like to watch the play we drove all this way for and I’d also like to see my children grow up. Amen.”
I think it was the sight of poor KP that forced my spirit and body to reunite. Then as quickly as my rant began, I shut the heck-up. I took a breath … actually several breaths.
By the time we arrived at the theatre I was once again behaving and looking like a normal human being. Embarrassment has a great sobering effect on people.
After taking our seats I decided to watch all the people entering. There were groups of women; a few men who came solo; young and old people; married couples of all ages; and couples obviously on first dates. It seemed that all of Detroit was gathered to see the play. Then, about a minute before the lights went down, in came The Couple: She walking ahead in a nice dress, and he wearing a suit and I noticed was guiding her towards their seats. And then I felt another ‘snap’.
This second ‘snap’ was quieter than the first. It was also less volatile (thank-goodness!). The second snap made me realize that maybe all this time I’ve been looking at things the wrong way …
Laters & G’Night,