As many of you know my journey towards 40 is almost over.  My 40th birthday is no longer around the corner, but now a few doors down.  And the closer I get to reaching this milestone, the more frequent my epiphanies about life.

Just the other day I was reading a women’s magazine when I had such an ‘ah-ha’ moment after ready a beauty article.  You see, this article suggested that as a woman gets older, she should simplify her beauty routine in addition to incorporating more pampering.

The author of this little piece gave a whole bunch of reasons about inner-beauty and the usual arguments about makeup not taking well to ‘older’ skin.  Well, as far as I’m concerned, some women need a slap of lipstick and concealer before they leave the house.  Before any of you starts with your naysaying, don’t bother.  You know I speak the truth.  But, I digress …

As I was saying, the premise of the article I was reading was that as you age you come to appreciate inner over outer beauty.  For that reason you should use fewer products and indulge in more pampering.  Then suddenly the true reason for the article came to me: BEAUTY IS NOT PAIN!!!

Yes, ladies, beauty is not pain.  It should not be painful.  It should not be a torturous affair.  Unfortunately it takes about four decades before you can embrace this idea.

In my early thirties I liked using weaves to quickly change my hairstyles.  I had a friend who often helped me with my transformations.  Occasionally my friend’s ‘help’ hurt.   This often meant feeling the searing pain of a needle being jabbed into my scalp as my friend was sewing in my weave.  She should have been anchoring the weft of hair onto my braids, but with the distraction of the television, I was frequently abused by the needle.  And the result was always the same: her hand clamped over my mouth muffling my cries of pain (I was cursing actually) while simultaneously whispering into my ear, “Mantha, beauty is pain!”  Really???

Well, after one too many stabbings, I decided to simplify my hair routine and opted for a low maintenance, yet stylish haircut.  I’m happy to say that I’ve not been stabbed in years!

Now let us discuss the other aspect of the article: pampering.

The addition of pampering to your beauty routine is designed to offset the pain and sometimes humiliation of other aspects of your ‘treatments’.  This brings us perfectly to discussing the grooming of the lady garden.

We all have various methods and reasons for tending to our gardens.  Some are more aggressive than others.  However, for the purposes of our discussion, let’s examine the Brazilian Wax.

There is nothing quite like having a woman who you don’t know from Adam, with her face hovering above your crotch while she holds a Popsicle stick covered in hot wax.   Before you know it, this woman is getting up close and personal in your garden with her wax.  There are lots of demands that you contort your body this way and that as she smears the wax over your private bits, essentially ‘scalping’ your lady garden.  And once your garden has been beaten into submission, you politely hand over your hard earned money and thank this woman for torturing you.  Why?  She has helped you beautify another part of your body of, course.

Ladies, there is no need to feel humiliated by the above trauma.  The memory of it all can be quickly erased with a nice soothing facial. What the heck!  You may as well throw in a massage, manicure and pedicure too.  What better way to push an ugly memory out of your mind?

The logic behind this pampering actually extends to the way we chose to buy beauty products as we get older.   By your forties you realize that you have to graduate from drugstore lipstick and blush.  After what you’ve subjected your vagina to it only makes sense to spend as much money on your face.  But, as mature adults the budget must be factored in.  So, what does this mean?

It means you will now purchase fewer beauty products but of greater quality.  For that reason, what you once spent on lipstick, eyeshadow and blush combined, you will now spend on a single red lipstick.  You will keep your face bare of all other makeup with the exception of that perfect shade of red and declare you are making a fashion statement.  You are bold.  You are decisive.  You know who you are and what you want …

… and what you want is to be pretty without pain.

Laters & G’Night,